Day One

So here's the thing... I am SICK to death of how I feel about myself.  Don't get me wrong I like myself, I just don't like what stares back at me in the mirror.  here it goes.... I have let myself get fat.  Wow.  That was even hard to type.  I've been in denial that I am overweight.  I have made SO many excuses... such as:

• I "just" had a baby (yeah, he's almost 9 months old now)
• I have no time to exercise
• I eat on the run and don't have the energy to cook healthy
• I have 7 kids... hello?  SEVEN!
• I'm pushing 40
• I work full-time
• I'll start next week, or next month, or at the first of the year (It's 12 days into the new year and I still haven't begun!

It' ridiculous.  I'm through with the excuses.  I'm done with the lame reasons why I can't do this.  I CAN.  Plain and simple... I CAN DO THIS.  I will do this because I want to be happy about me again. SO to start this off right, I am going to list a few of the reasons why I want this to work...

• I have an entire closet full of clothes I can't fit into or think I am too fat for.  I miss them and want desperately to wear my cute jeans again!
• I want to have energy for my kids.  I want to go hiking and biking and swimming and all the fun things that we should be doing.  And I want to feel comfortable in a swimsuit!!!
• I want to be hot for my husband... he loves me no matter what, but let's be real.  Sex is so much better when you feel good about yourself.  I want that back bad...
• I will turn 40 next year and I want to be here for a very long time.  I need to make some healthy changes so avoid risking many of the diseases associated with being over weight.
• I deserve this.  I have spent too much of my life believing I was not good enough in my first marriage.  This is my whole new life with my second husband and it is SO amazing... I want to look AND feel amazing too!!!

SO, how far do I have to go... well, it's more than I've ever had to think about losing, but it is what it is.  Sugar coating does not help.  I need to lose 30 pounds.  That seems SO daunting to me.  I know some people would think that is nothing!  But for me it seems like such a large number.  I can't even bring myself to publish what I weigh right now... maybe as I start to lose, I will feel better about showing how far I've come?  But for now, saying I need to lose 30 pounds is all I can bring myself to admit.

How am I going to do it?  One damn pound at a time.  I can't focus on the entire amount, it will kill me, but every pound lost is a victory.  I get to have 30 little victories to equal one big ecstatic win.  I am excited about that... it's getting there that makes me scared.  My goal is to start on Monday... I know, why not right now TODAY???  Well, I need to get some things in place before I go all out to achieve this goal.  Over the next few days I will share my preparations with you (Nobody even reads this, but it's ok - I'm doing it for me) and I will be super brave and post pictures.  This is not only for motivation, but I truly want to see how far I have come over the course of this next year.  I am going to be embarrassed to post what I look like initially, but I need to show myself how hard I worked and overcame and made myself into something to be truly proud of!

SO, come Monday, January 16th... this launches for real.  Look out world - I'M DOING THIS!!!